My Laid Back Guide to Potty Training

My disclaimer: I am just me.  I do not claim to be an expert, I am not a nursery worker or childminder.  I do not have a million children for whom I have perfected this 'technique'.  And, I am certainly not a perfect parent, though I can dream...

1. Trust yourself and your own instincts as a parent.  You know yourself and your child the best.  This first point, can and should be the first point for every parenting issue.  Many people, myself included at times, think you need to be taught this, that, or the other before you can make any decisions yourself.  This clearly isn't true, as for the longest period of human history, there were no teachers or experts.  Following from that, experts can and do get things wrong.
2. Don't give a damn about what other people think.  Again, this can be the same for many other parenting issues.  Close your ears to peer pressure; especially from family and other people who 'mean well'.  One of my relatives decided that because I was dry day and night by the age of 2, then DD1 should be too.  So she sat DD1 on the potty and kept feeding her chocolate buttons 'until she did something'.  DD1 is a very clever girl, and just sat there eating the chocolate until it was all gone.  She then pulled up her nappy and did a wee then.  I was not happy when I found out about this 'technique' that had been tried without my knowledge, but it does explain why I am the size I am...
3. Wait for your child to be ready.  Research has shown that children will potty train quicker and easier when they are ready.  If you try to potty train earlier than suits the individual child, you will have 'accidents' for longer, and possibly stress too.  Who cares if So-and-so was potty trained at 18months, and your 3.5 year old is still in nappies?  They all (barring illness or disabilities) get their eventually.  They all, also, have the occasional accident after you thought they were fully trained.  Remember, they are children!  In the UK, at least, nurseries, pre-schools, nor schools cannot demand that your child is potty trained before attendance.
4. Allow your child to see you on the toilet.  This I found hard to contemplate, as even my DH has never seen me on the loo and I hope it stays that way forever!  But, since DD1 followed me everywhere from a young age, she had seen me use the toilet longer before I planned to potty train her.
5. Have potty/pants/knickers around the place.  Whether you plan to use potties, toilet-seats, or go straight onto the main toilet, it doesn't make much difference.  I have all three options: a potty downstairs, and a toilet seat next to the main toilet upstairs.  DD1 decides whether she goes upstairs, or if she can't hold on that long and will use the potty downstairs.  I also had knickers available, although DD1 never wanted to wear them until she was ready.
6. Don't worry about the mess.  Other parents should understand what you're going through.  If you are worried about nasty accidents, I found putting DD1 in knickers with a pull-up nappy over the top, meant she knew she had to go to the toilet in the bathroom, but if she did have an accident, the nappy would ensure there was no embarrassing mess.  Touch wood - to date DD1 hasn't had a single pooey accident.
7. Make it fun.  Don't be scared of using incentives.  I used a sticker chart with DD1 (some people go further and say if you get xxx stickers then the LO can get a present - I didn't go that far, for DD1 the sticker itself is the prize) and I know friends who have made the toilet experience into a game by 'listening for the spash' when on the toilet, or aiming at cereal in the bowl, for boys.
8. Don't be afraid to stop.  If you are finding that it's not working quite yet, just stop and start again in a month or two's time.  There's no point stressing yourself out about it. 
9. Relax.  Whether it takes a week, or a year.  If you make this as stress-free as you can for yourself, and not make a big deal about it, then it doesn't matter how long it takes.  You will soon realise that you are not doing any training, it is totally child-led (though you are facilitating by providing potties/knickers etc), and they will get there on their own!  

DD1 isn't dry at night yet; this is a developmental stage and isn't actually related to the age when they potty train during the day.  She is, though, starting to wake in the night when she does need the toilet, so I can see that will come in its own time too.